


Negai

by Idi0tChosen



Series: Ibitsu [2]
Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: M/M, but I didn't get graphic with it, it's mostly just them talking about feelings, sex is pretty heavily implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 04:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19099948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idi0tChosen/pseuds/Idi0tChosen
Summary: Set a little over a year after Ibitsu.Everything should have gone back to normal, so why was Zelos still so careful around him? Lloyd sets out for answers and gets a wish granted in the meantime.





	Negai

**Author's Note:**

> I have been thinking about nothing but Ibitsu for the past week or so. I ended up coming up with the idea for this sequel last night, and writing it all in the span of a single evening. So if it's rough I apologize, but then again, nothing I read is proofread, so this is nothing new.

After everything that had happened, Lloyd noticed one day, Zelos Wilder had changed.

 

It wasn't necessarily a bad change, or even one that was immediately perceptible. He had a feeling that if he were to ask one of their friends, they would have said he was imagining it. But then again, they only saw what Zelos wanted them to see. Even if he had learned to be a bit more open than he had been on their initial journey, he still kept that obnoxious mask on whenever he could. Sure, he had toned down his flirting with anyone other than Lloyd significantly, but whenever anyone else was around, it seemed as though their relationship was the only thing he took even remotely seriously. 

 

Still, though, Lloyd didn't think that was what was bothering him. As much as he loved the real Zelos, he understood that old habits died hard. If pretending to be an idiot was what made him feel comfortable around others, then so be it. But there was something else, something Lloyd couldn't put his finger on. It manifested every time Zelos latched onto him, or kissed him, or held him as he fell asleep. There was something in the way he touched Lloyd that felt… off. Lacking, somehow.

 

A little over a year had passed since Lloyd's near-death experience. He had recovered to the point where it was hard to tell anything had happened to him at all. He still tired a bit more easily than he used to, and he hadn't quite gained back all of the weight he lost while stuck in bed. But he could train with his swords again, and travel outside of Iselia on his own if necessary. For all intents and purposes, everything had returned to normal. 

 

So why did it still feel like something was missing?

 

Once Lloyd noticed it, he couldn't stop thinking about it. If something was wrong with his lover, then he wanted to know, so he could try and fix it. But the question was, how could he bring it up to Zelos? Lloyd wasn't even sure he was aware of how strange he was acting, and even if he was, getting him to admit to it would be like pulling teeth. He would most likely be told he was imagining things, then pulled into a quick kiss in an attempt to get him to drop the subject. No, if he was going to confront Zelos, sitting down to talk about it directly wasn't going to cut it. He would need to find another way to drag the truth out of him.

 

_________________

 

That night, it was Zelos's turn to cook dinner. Dirk had left the house for the night after getting an emergency request for a craftsman, so Lloyd and Zelos were alone in the house. Lloyd watched idly from the couch as his boyfriend chopped up meat and potatoes for a stew. His hair was tied up at the neck to keep it out of his face, and he wore a basic white apron in place of his usual vest. He hummed as he worked, a focused expression on his face. As always, Lloyd's eyes were drawn to him. Even while doing something as simple as cooking, he was beautiful. Overwhelmingly so.

 

Before Lloyd knew what he was doing, he had raised himself up off the couch and crossed over to the kitchen. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around Zelos from behind. Zelos had been so focused on his work that he hadn't heard Lloyd coming, and jumped a bit at the contact. 

 

"Lloyd, what are you-" Lloyd said nothing, instead planting a firm kiss on Zelos's neck. "Did you miss me that much?" Zelos laughed, but Lloyd didn't respond in kind. Instead, he ran his hands lightly up and down Zelos's chest and stomach, continuing to press his lips against his neck. The older man let out a reflexive sigh, and forced himself to turn around just as Lloyd's hands started heading a bit further south. As much as he was enjoying the boy's touch, his confusion won out.

 

"You okay, there, hunny?" he asked, frowning a bit. "Did you need something?" It wasn't like Lloyd to initiate this kind of contact. Not that Zelos minded, of course, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was some deeper meaning behind that hug. 

 

"I love you, Zelos."

 

"And I love you. You know that. But why are you-"

 

"I think we should do it tonight." Zelos froze. He didn't mean-- he couldn't  _ possibly  _ mean--

 

"...Do what?" Zelos tried playing dumb, on the off chance that he was misunderstanding something. This was  _ Lloyd _ , after all. Did he even know the implications of those words? Still, combined with the way he had been touching him, and the way he had looked at him from across the room… well, there weren't many other possibilities, Zelos had to admit. 

 

"Dad's not going to be home until tomorrow afternoon. We have the whole house to ourselves tonight." Lloyd was blushing harder than Zelos had ever seen before, but he kept talking, clenching his fists at his sides. If he hadn't been so stunned, Zelos probably would have found it cute how nervous he was. "And besides, you… you've been wanting to, right?"

 

Zelos couldn't deny it. The two had been together for so long, and yet they had never made it further than some mild groping over the clothes. It had only been natural, with Lloyd being so weak for such a long time. But that didn't mean Zelos's mind hadn't wandered late at night as he held the boy close, dreaming about all the things he wanted to do with the person he loved. He had assumed that Lloyd didn't notice, since he never said a word about it, but then again, it was  _ Lloyd. _ He noticed  _ everything.  _ He probably knew about all the times he had slipped out of Lloyd's room in the middle of the night, desperate to relieve some of the tension building up inside of him. As much as he hated to admit it, it had been getting harder and harder to ignore his desires, especially since, until meeting Lloyd, he had never had any problem fulfilling them. Still, there was something holding him back. Something important.

 

"I don't want you to get hurt." There. He had said it. Even after Lloyd had gotten back on his feet, the thought had persisted, just as strongly as it had the night of the incident. Lloyd was getting stronger every day, but all Zelos could think of when he looked at him was how fragile he had felt as he carried him through the snow, how weak he had been when he couldn't even sit up in bed without Zelos's support. But how was he supposed to admit that feeling to Lloyd? How was he supposed to explain without hurting him that, in his head, Lloyd still needed to be protected?

 

"...So that's what it was." After a moment, Lloyd nodded, seemingly understanding something. "You've been holding back this whole time. Even when we were just hugging, I thought it was strange. No matter how hard I held onto you, you were always so careful not to squeeze back too hard." 

 

"Lloyd, I'm not--" Zelos tried to deny it, but they both knew it was futile. He shook his head and tried again. "You don't know what it was like, watching you come so close to death. That's not something I'm going to get over that easily." He closed his eyes. "Every morning I'm scared I'll wake up and you won't be there anymore. That I'm still asleep next to your bed in that clinic, and all of this has been a dream." 

 

Lloyd was silent for a moment, then pulled Zelos back into a hug. "You're right, I don't know," he said quietly. "But if you had told me, I would have tried to understand. I thought we were done keeping secrets from each other, Zelos." Lloyd didn't sound angry, but the hurt was evident in his voice. Zelos said nothing in response, only returning Lloyd's embrace. "If something's bothering you, I want to know about it. Even if I can't fix it, I can at least listen." 

 

Zelos couldn't help but stifle a laugh into Lloyd's shoulder. That was such a  _ Lloyd Irving  _ thing to say. "I didn't know  _ how _ to tell you," he answered honestly. "You've been doing so much better lately. I didn't want to downplay that just because I can't get over what happened."

 

"You went through a lot. You don't  _ need _ to get over it if you're not ready." Lloyd stared directly into Zelos's eyes. There it was, that gaze that could pierce right through him in an instant, that made him weak in the knees. "I know you want to say something about how I suffered even more, but if you do, I'm going to get really mad."

 

"Lloyd…"

 

"I'm lucky. I don't remember anything that happened that night, not clearly. I don't remember being scared to die, only how much it hurt later. But you remember everything. You may not have been injured, but you were still hurt, Zelos. It's okay to admit that." He smiled. "So don't lie about not having any worries. I'll be able to tell, you know?"

 

Zelos was silent for a long time. Little by little, he tightened his hold on Lloyd, until his grip on him was stronger than it had ever been. Suddenly, he wasn't thinking about whether Lloyd would break. He only wanted to be as close to the boy as possible. So he didn't say anything else, only crushed his lips against Lloyd's. The kiss turned deeper fast, and before long, Zelos's hands were roaming around his lover's body, exploring every inch they could reach. Lloyd moaned into his mouth, and it sent a shiver down Zelos's spine. He wanted more. He  _ needed  _ more.

 

Panting, Zelos pulled his lips apart from Lloyd's. It took every ounce of self control Zelos had not to take him right there on the kitchen counter when he saw the look in Lloyd's eyes. He wasn't the only one who had been waiting for this. Lloyd had, too. 

 

"We should go to the bedroom," Zelos breathed. "Unless you want your first time to be on the kitchen table." Lloyd nodded wordlessly, and pulled Zelos towards the stairs. The two boys ran for Lloyd's room as fast as they could without letting go of each other's hands, not wanting to break their connection for even a moment. Their lips were pressed back together as soon as Lloyd hit the bed, Zelos straddling his hips. Zelos was on him in an instant, his skilled hands wasting no time in getting Lloyd's shirt off and his pants unbuttoned in between kisses. He had seen the boy naked plenty of times-- it had been an unavoidable necessity when he was taking care of Lloyd. But he hadn't really been  _ looking  _ before. He was… well. Zelos didn't remember him looking that gorgeous before. Maybe it was because he was starting to put some muscle back on, or maybe it was the slight flush of arousal in his skin, but Zelos couldn't remember ever being more attracted to another person, even among his countless women in Meltokio. Without hesitation, he started moving his lips downwards, sucking on Lloyd's neck, his chest, his--

 

_ Wait _ .

 

When Zelos got to Lloyd's stomach, he couldn't help but come back to his senses. It was impossible to avoid the jagged pink scar across his belly, a remnant of the very worst of his injuries. He remembered pressing his hand against that exact spot in a vain attempt to stop the bleeding. He remembered how flushed Lloyd's face had been, just like it was now. He remembered Lloyd, lying motionless on that bed as the doctor told him there was nothing else that could be done.

 

He thought he was going to vomit.

 

Zelos snapped his head back up, panic evident in his eyes. Lloyd called out to him, still panting. "Zel? Don't stop, what are you--" he paused, realizing at once what Zelos was staring at that had him so flustered.

 

"I can't do it," Zelos breathed. "I can't… I can't forget, Lloyd. Even at a time like this, I can't forget." Zelos gripped at the sheets underneath him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 

 

Ever since he was a teenager, sex had always been an escape for Zelos. If he let the pleasure overwhelm him, even just for a moment, then he could forget about everything. His mother, Seles, literally carrying the fate of his whole world on his shoulders, everything. But maybe this time, he thought, he didn't  _ want  _ to escape. He wanted to share this experience with Lloyd, turn it into a treasured memory only they shared. Which made it all the more frustrating that he couldn't keep going, instead collapsing against Lloyd's chest and struggling not to cry.

 

Lloyd took a moment to come back to his senses, to realize what was happening, but as soon as he did, he was stroking Zelos's hair, muttering soothing words and doing his best to calm his lover down. In a way, Lloyd felt responsible-- he had been the one who asked Zelos to do this with him in the first place, and let him continue when he grew emotional. But he knew Zelos wouldn't see it that way. He would only blame himself for his own trauma. So Lloyd didn't apologize or accept Zelos's apology. He just let the man release the feelings he had kept trapped for so long. He hadn't cried like that since Lloyd first regained consciousness over a year ago, and once he started, he couldn't hold back.

 

Finally, though, Zelos stopped shaking, and slowly lifted his head up to look at Lloyd, who still had his fingers in Zelos's hair. "Feeling better?" He asked simply, unsure if it was okay to speak yet. Zelos just nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his wrist. "We don't have to do this tonight if you don't want to--"

 

"No, I want to," Zelos said quickly. "Just give me a little more time." He smiled. "I haven't even treated you to dinner yet. Some gentleman I am." Lloyd rolled his eyes as Zelos climbed off of him, offering him a hand to help him sit up. 

 

"Why start trying to be a gentleman now?" Lloyd grinned, and took the hand. Zelos scoffed in mock offense.

 

"I suppose someone who grew up in the sticks would hardly know about proper manners. The Great Zelos has a lot to teach you, I see." 

 

Lloyd laughed. "Maybe you can show me tonight."

 

"Hunny, that's not the only thing I'm gonna show you tonight." Zelos winked, and Lloyd swatted at his arm playfully. 

 

"Go get dinner ready."

 

_______________

 

That night, Zelos didn't know where he ended and Lloyd began. The two of them melted together, moving in sync to a rhythm they both seemed to know. Zelos had never felt as  _ right _ as he did while Lloyd was pressed against him, and he had never felt as at ease as he did when he rolled off of Lloyd, both of them tangled in the sheets and panting, utterly spent. Without thinking, he draped his hand over Lloyd's stomach, running his fingers over his scars. Lloyd felt a moment of concern, remembering the events of that afternoon, but it faded when he saw how content Zelos looked. In his own way, Zelos had probably finally come to terms with everything that happened. If nothing else, Lloyd noted, he seemed to be breathing a little easier, as though a weight had been lifted off his chest.

 

"You know, the night you were attacked was the first time I realized that I was in love with you." Lloyd said nothing, getting the feeling that Zelos just had to get what he needed to say out in the open. "I don't know if I was denying it before that, or if the feelings just weren't there yet. But I know that it wasn't until I almost lost you that I noticed it." He laughed dryly. "So as weird as it sounds, I'm almost grateful for it. Maybe that's a twisted way of looking at it, but I do wonder sometimes whether we would be together like this now if that night hadn't happened." He closed his eyes. "It's a miracle that we even met at all, really. I mean, we're from two different worlds. What are the odds that we'd not only meet, but fall in love?"

 

"...I think you're right." Lloyd searched for Zelos's hand on his stomach and took it loosely in his own. "The past few years haven't been easy. I met my real dad, we reunited the worlds, I nearly died…" He trailed off. "And yet somehow, I wouldn't trade it for anything."

 

Zelos smiled, and neither of them said another word, drifting off to sleep only minutes later.

 

For the first time in a very long time, Zelos didn't dream.

 


End file.
